Forever thankful. Eternally Blessed.

I know I'm not alone when I say that there are times you wonder how you will put one foot in front of the other and move.

Just move. Easy, simple steps.

But some days, those seemingly easy steps are leaps and maybe even an impossible jump.

Yet look around. The world keeps spinning.

Remind yourself of the blessings. Thought it may not seem like much, it truly is.

I wish for more than what I have, yet I have more than I'll ever need. I want to leave a legacy of success, yet that legacy is already waiting for me. I hope for a long life with my family, yet I've already been given eternal life.

I hear You. I feel You. I know You.

I'm more than a mom. I'm more than a wife. I'm more than a daughter. I'm more than a friend.

I'm Yours.


* I write this tonight so that I may look inward... and upward. Sometimes tough to do when we have the weight of our lives on our shoulders. But God will not despair. He will give us wings to fly.  ~ Isaiah 40.

Am I Doing This Right?

*Note: A favorite song/video is attached at the bottom. If you want to hear it while you're reading, it's okay to scroll to the bottom first :)

This evening, I'm scratching my head. I'm thinking about Kendall and wondering if I'm really doing any of this right. Okay, so the name of the game here is ... Don't Stress. She will be just fine. But will she, really?

Here's just some questions in my head tonight:

1. Now that she's okay with going "potty" both at home, at school and in public restrooms, when comes the bigger transition to night-time potty and the dreaded #2 in the potty? Am I doing this right in letting her make her own "transition"? She seemed to make her own decision when the potty was her friend...
2. Getting her to eat and eat AT THE TABLE is like a game of hide and seek. Now you see her, now you don't. She sits at the table, looks at food she loved the night before and utters the phrase... "I's no like it" and runs away. And even if she eats it, she runs off and a few minutes later, I'm running behind her with her food on a fork and getting it into her mouth. I just wonder if I should be forcing her to eat? Of course, she has much more important things to do than sit down and eat.
3. Possessive. That's about the only word I can use to describe how Kendall is most of the time. I let her go through my jewelry box and I emphasize how "mommy is sharing with Kendall"... and her reply is "Nooo, mize uulree necklace". So I know it is going to be tough for her to realize that not everything she touches is her. I know, I know... I've heard this already. Let her be a big sister and she'll learn quickly the art of sharing. Well, you know... I just don't think that's in the cards. And I certainly don't want to give her a little brother or sister just to help her share. If she's like this with us, I'm scared of how she is when she's at school with other. Her teachers assure me that she is sweet, which of course we know, but I sometimes wonder...

Now don't get me wrong... She eats great probably more times than not. Sometimes we hardly have enough food in the house to keep her satisfied. She pee's and poop's just like any other 2-3 year old. She "shares" when she wants to. She goes to the bathroom and is really getting better at it. I just keep asking myself, am I really doing this right? I read what the experts say and I think that I am ... but who else wishes for that magic "snap" of a finger and suddenly, these little ones are doing everything "we" hope that they should be doing.


I think I'm just having a moment where my brain is full of ????????. Fortunately, I have a feeling I'm not alone. Some of you probably have a whole host of other issues where you wonder if any of it is going "right".


My own heart2heart is really for me, I suppose. I should be the one taking my own advice this time. Patience. Knowledge. Happiness.


Patience that Kendall, in time, will grow out of some of these "mommy-hair-pulling-out" tendencies.

Knowledge and happiness that we've gotten to 2+ years and caught up for a lot of missed growth in the first few months of her life. 


I keep hearing the words ringing in my head that I should take a deep breath and relax. Trust in the path that's been laid for me. No worries about right or wrong. If I'm God's path, how can it be wrong?

Breathe.... Have a little faith in Me .... 

You may want to play this video and let some of the audio run while reading and thinking. It actually did me some good the second time :) 

A little shuffle along the way

As I was driving back to South Carolina (home) today, I knew I needed some "me" time. The next 2 hours would be quiet moments for me. I'd purchased some music recently and I was ready to hear some of the relaxing tunes. But a last minute choice reminded me, once again, that I was not in control. 

Instead of the music I'd envisioned, I put my iPod on shuffle. The songs that came on next were those of inspiration, guidance and strength. Each melody drew a memory and a tear quickly followed. Soon, the tears made way for smiles and even some chuckles, as I remembered the person I was when I first heard some of those songs. 

Despite the crazy looks I must have been getting from the drivers around me, I knew in an instant this was God "driving" me home. Driving me to the place that I miss the most and to my sweet little "k" and my awesome husband ... yet not letting me forget the places I have been in my life. 

I also realized that every once in a while, I need to "shuffle". I need to stop letting myself push play and leave a little to ...hmm, what shall I call it ... chance? No. I think we call that faith.

My heart2heart is that you find your "shuffle", whatever way it comes to you. It's no surprise it came to me in the form of music. But my surprise was that I heard it. Or rather, I heard Him. 

And by the way God (I know He is reading this!) ... thanks for Your playlist. It got me safely where I needed to go ~ As You knew it would.

Beginnings...

As I look forward to the week ahead, I'm reminded by "beginnings." I'd like to start my week thinking of these.

• It's the beginning of a new week.
• It's the beginning of a new year of being married (by the way ... the 6 years I've been married have been the sweetest and most remarkable of my life - what a great weekend we shared with promises for a lifetime more!)
• It's the beginning of school for millions of people.
• It's the beginning of many first-time teachers (I'm looking at you - Sarah, my sweet sister. You'll do great!)
• It's a beginning for 24 USC students that I have the privilege to teach and instruct each week this semester.
• It's the beginning of life without ... diapers (I hope!).

August 21, 2004

My heart2heart is this: Are you starting a beginning? As a colleague often tells me, look at your beginning with the end in mind... You'll always come out right. 

Before you start your beginning, know your "end". 

For me, that's an "I love you Mommy" as I leave Kendall's bedpost, the soft purr of my cat at my feet and the warmth of having my husband near me as I drift off to sleep.

Whatever your beginning is, make the start count ... and trust that your "end" will be worth the wait.

Can I get a ... hallelujah!

So I left you with a favor ... and boy did you guys work it :) The tv promotion went great, I didn't choke and God certainly heard any prayers sent out.

Here's what I really want to talk to you guys about tonight ... Who taught Kendall how to read this blog? Really... who I wonder... ? You know why? She's learning to go "potty". You do remember me writing about this last week, when I was talking about waiting for things... How I was waiting on sweet little K to get out of those pull-ups? 


Well, the time may be close. I don't want to be too happy prematurely. This happened a few months ago and I went out, bought more than a dozen pair of "Dora" underpants, 2 potties and threw out the diaper coupons. A little too hasty on my part, as a few weeks later, I was digging out the coupons and with my tail between my legs, going to the store for ... diapers. 


So forgive me if I'm a little subdued this time... but... in the past 48 hours, Ms. Kendall has gone to her potty more than a dozen times. She's worn just a few pull-ups and is starting to let us know when that "time" is coming. 


Maybe God is whispering that He does listen as I shout ... HALLELUJAH! 

I've also figured out a theme to my life the past few days and in looking ahead... Numbers.

Here's an overview:

• I'm looking forward to the number "6" this weekend. 
• I'll tell you more later
• I can't wait to meet my new "24" first year students.
• I'm a newbie too!
• My work schedule and job duties return to semi-normal in "1" more day. (It's Move In time...)
• Can I get a ... hallelujah?
• I'm hoping for "0" more packs of pull-ups to purchase. 
• Will keep you posted

So my heart2heart tonight ... take an evening off. I'm not going to do anything reflective for the next few days. I'm going to take in what I've learned the past few weeks, take a breathe, and let God lead me for a little while. 

Can I get a ... hallelujah?

So I need YOUR help now :)

Okay, so the last few blogs have been very reflective and inspiring. While I'm learning that's just who I am when I write at times, I do have a favor to ask of all who are reading this... Send a little prayer up the WIRE as I help a special group of moms, dads and children in South Carolina.

So most of you now know that Kendall was born with a congenital heart defect (CHD). Ironically, it was two years ago this week that we found that out. She was 2 months old and had such a fight in her ... and is our living breathing miracle. But what we also found out during the days/weeks following her surgery is that we were not alone.

There's a group of families that have bonded together called Palmetto Hearts. Started in 2007 by a beautiful heart mom herself... the group now helps more than 200 families in the Palmetto State with coping with their children who have heart defects. We learned about it when we got an "Annabelle basket" that contained special gifts for Kendall while she was in the hospital. The stories about the children and their families going through CHD at MUSC and around the state were breathtaking and inspiring. I vowed to myself that the love and comfort shown to us by strangers would not go without a special personal thanks.

That's when I started getting involved with Palmetto Hearts. You can learn more about the organization and the special "Annabelle" and "BraveHEART" baskets that the group helps fund and organize: http://www.palmettohearts.org . 


Next Tuesday, August 17, Palmetto Hearts is sponsoring the 3rd annual Golf Tournament to help raise money for our special heart families and children. I was very honored to help with the first golf tournament two years ago. And though I won't be at this year's tournament, I'm doing all I can to help raise money for this very special organization.

Here's where prayers are needed! 

Not only does the group need your prayers in making sure we raise all the money we can, but I need a few extras from my friends and family because ... My own friends at local television stations have graciously asked me to come onto their shows and talk about Palmetto Hearts and the upcoming golf tournament.

Tomorrow (Friday the 13th nonetheless!), at noon, I will be on WIS Midday. At 5:00, I will be on WLTX Friends@5 talking about the wonderful "family" I'm honored to be a part of and I'll be encouraging everyone to consider either being in the golf tournament or giving a little to help a special heart from the Midlands. I know I shouldn't be nervous... I used to work at WIS and have education and experience in broadcast journalism! I do public relations every day ... so really, this should come naturally. I guess it's because I feel so connected to this cause.

Isn't it wonderful how God provides opportunities! 

And isn't it interesting that as I finish writing this blog tonight, I already feel the prayers! More importantly, I understand why I needed to write this tonight. We're all blessed in one way or another. Maybe this is a special answered prayer ... as I wait.

So look for me tomorrow if you're in Columbia ... and if not, well you'll probably get the details pretty soon enough :) 

• FOR MORE INFORMATION about Palmetto Hearts: http://www.palmettohearts.org

Love is Patient...

Isn't it funny how something - a verse, a phrase, an item, an action, a song - can really stick to you and have a way of showing up in your immediate future?

Well, I've got something I just can't get out of my heart and head. I want to share it with you. I've had a word that keeps coming back to me in almost everything I've done in the past 48 hours ....Patience.

It begins with a venture to a different Sunday School class that I normally do not attend. I thought it might be nice to try a Ladies class. I was taken to a "Ladies" class, but not quite the age group I had thought. I walked in the room, and it was a group of 20-something's.... and singles. Though I'm not far away from 20 myself and a lot of my friends are in their 20's, I immediately threw up the "caution" meter. I was nervous, shy and a little out of my comfort zone. Though everyone was very nice and talked with me, I just felt a little uncomfortable. Despite how I (notice my use of "I") felt, the lesson was amazing. We talked about waiting and patience. A lot of the lesson was for the young women who may be "patient" for that right person to come along... or for the right job to come their way. I walked out of the class and into worship wanting to hear God speak to me, but I just didn't. Maybe a whisper, but no shouts. 

But I heard it today. And it was very loud. "I" had nothing to do with that plan to go to a different Sunday School. "He" did.

You see, even though I have found my perfect mate and waited for child that I love beyond measure, I still wait.

• I've "waited" to find an outlet to share my heart. 
• I've "waited" for a chance to let God speak through me.
• I'm "waiting" with a special friend until her husband comes home from deployment. 
• I "wait" for a continuous prayer that I pray to be answered.
• I "wait" for a new adventure in my life.  
• I'm "waiting" with special mom-to-be's for the arrival of their blessed miracles.
• I'm "waiting" for my own daughter's venture out of toddler tantrums and diaper/pullup disasters.

"Love is patient, love is kind...  Love never fails." - 1st Cor. 13

And here's what I keep hearing ... Patience. And trust me, I'm listening.

I heard it nearly 6 years ago today, when my husband and I made vows to each other ... "Love is patient...Love never fails." 

Up until now, these words meant a never-ending love that God has for us or that we have for our spouses. This verse still does carry that meaning. But now, they carry something else.


Even though I wait for the things that "I" think God should provide, He is providing it. He gives us love to share with each other. Through friendships, through being a mom, through being a wife, through being a colleague. He finds time for us to show our own patience and reveals Himself through SHOUTS and WHISPERS. And He speaks to us whether it's to hang on through the tough times or to simply ditch the diapers. Big or small, general or detailed, He is there.


My heart2heart for me and for you: Don't be afraid to do something different or outside of your comfort zone. It may actually be God speaking to you. This may be that "thing" you've been waiting for. God gives us love while we wait. And we have His word that Love never Fails.


Can you hear Him? What are you waiting on? Trust that He most certainly will answer. You just need to ... have hope.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
       and in his word I put my hope." - Psalm 130

Take me back

So for a lot of people reading this blog, you know a little about the road that's brought me to who I am as a mother and can understand why I look at my Kendall and hug her tight... knowing what could have been.

But for those who may not know me as well and even for those who do, I'm going to say something that may shock and surprise you.

When we first found out in August 2008 that our 2-month old daughter had a rare heart defect that without invasive open heart surgery, would take her life, I lost reason, hope and understanding of everything. But with the miraculous hands of a team of doctors, surgeons, nurses and hospital staff, her heart was spared. So were ours.

The hours before her surgery were agonizing as we waited for the unknown. The minutes of holding her in the pre-surgery room were moments that I can honestly tell you I was at my weakest. But the minutes, hours and days that followed were ... well ... beyond any imagination.

You see, at that moment - that second where I let go of my child not knowing if I'd see her alive again - that's absolutely the moment that God took my hand and put me in His. For the next 5 hours, I was His. I knew nothing but His Love, Grace, Mercy, and Hope. The messages on the beeper kept coming in from the surgical team and it was like it was God telling me that He had it all under control.

I remember listening to my favorite hymns on my iPod and reading out of my mother-in-law's Bible, scriptures in Psalms, Romans, Isaiah ... reading of strength and how prayer was the lifeline to God. I remember reading messages from friends, family and even people I didn't know telling me at that moment that they were praying for my daughter. I saw friendly faces, beautiful flowers and testimonials from people who had survived these surgeries.

Seeing her after surgery and the hours and days that followed didn't get easier, but it was okay. I had God's love flowing through me and all the support and strength that friends, family and Believers around the country were sending.

My Heart2Heart is this: Take me Back.

No, I don't necessarily want to go back to those exact times, but there lives in me - and I think all of us - a place that you feel completely at peace and connected to your soul. In my life, I yearn to feel that warmth that only God can provide and there are many times I forget. But when I do, I go back. I remember the beauty that was all around me. I know that any struggle that I deal with now is all in His Plan. In that, I have peace.

I know there are many of you who have those moments. Whether they were hard, difficult, happy, sad ... they are YOUR moments. Treasure them and go back when you need the strength to get through this life.

It's really not that gray...

To be honest with you, I had already written half of the blog I was going to write tonight planned in my head. I was quite excited about it. I had already planned to name it "It's all Gray To Me" and tell you all about how the gray that my hairdresser got out of my hair and the new haircut I got made me feel great and that it's all about what's on the inside that counts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... all that. But once again, "my" plans were foiled. It happened in a matter of seconds.

I was already thinking about my blog and what I would write. But as I was about to read Kendall one last book (her latest from the library, Hero Cat), she reached up, turned around and cupped her little hand under my chin. She looked at me with the most loving eyes and nestled down into me and said "Rock Mommy".

With those two little words and the click of the lamp, I knew as I held her close to my heart in her dark room that I really don't care about the gray now. I mean, yes, it is great that I don't have to worry (at least for the next 3 months) about those crazy gray hairs ruining a perfectly good hair day. It's wonderful to feel my age again.

I know that every temper tantrum and "meltdown" that I share with Kendall will keep the gray hairs alive and well. I know that every aggravation that I get when I just don't think I'm being the best mom or wife will result in at least one gray strand.

But I realized something as I sat down to write my post tonight. My heart2heart
is this: Bring it on gray. I will cherish every second I have with her. I will remember my mistakes and frustrations and learn from them the next time. Without the gray hairs, how can I know that I am growing old with the people that I love?

So really, in 3 months, when my stark black strands slowly begin to fade into some silver "highlights", it's really not going to be that gray to me. And though I will most certainly spend the money to have them turned back to black ... I'll know that what I see is really not that gray. What is there are all the memories and moments that only come as we grow old together.

My Tale of 4 Fish

After spending some wonderful time with my grandparents today, I had some more insight to something that some may find a little odd. My grandfather (PaPa) decided to take me fishing today ... something we've done together since before I could write. It may seem weird that I love to fish, but it's really about my PaPa.

This is not a picture from today,
but this is similar to the type of catfish we caught.
This is a picture of my PaPa's boot and shoes :)

Anyway ... we always talk about "how many" we caught. A mess here ... a dozen there... and that one that always slipped away. Today, however, we only caught 4. Now to many of you who do not fish, you may think - Wow ... that's more than I've ever caught. But it's a pretty low number for us. But I realized today, it's not so much about "how many" ... it's the ones that we do have.

The four channel catfish we caught averaged about 5-6 pounds each! That's quite a fish. The pull was great on them and they were definitely keepers. After we got back, I was asked several times ... how many did you catch? Well, only 4 ... but I'm just as proud as those 4 fish as I am about the dozen or so on a "good" day.

Now, here's my heart2heart ... I don't know about you, but now that Kendall is 2, I get asked often ... "what about baby #2?". Well... what about it? Is it bad that I just don't feel compelled to have a second child? Am I being selfish that I just want it to be our 3-person family (well, plus the cat...)?

No .. I think about those fish today. I know ... at least for me ... it's about my "quality" of the fish that I have. It's not about how many kids I have, its about what I have in my own heart for the family God has blessed me with.

This is not against anyone have more than one... Praise God for the miracles He blesses your family with. But this is about me. At least right now, when I have a beautiful and amazing miracle who looks me in the eyes every day and tells me she loves me. It's about the contentment that I have when I look around me and realize ... I love those four fish. They're perfect.

Holding back the floodgates

I'm resisting. I really ... am ... trying... to hold it together.

Oh what the heck. No more holding back the floodgates.

...


Okay. The tears were worth it. I went back and looked at a special video I put together with some very special moments and photos. I realize how precious a gift that time truly is. I mean, the gifts we have...Wow, what a treasure.

As I rocked sweet little K tonight and put her in her toddler bed, it really felt surreal. Surreal because I know that in a few more years, I'm going to be looking back at this night and the first time I put her in the toddler bed. I know this because when I walked out of her room this evening, I remembered the very first night I put Kendall in her crib. The feelings were a little different.

Kendall's first look at her new bed!

On June 18, 2008, I put her in her crib and staggered to my bed and quickly succumbed to a "long" nap of 1-hour (until she was hungry again). Tonight, July 10, 2010, I slowly walked out almost wishing she would sit up and say "Mommy ... one more hug and kiss...". But as I glanced back, she was snuggled in her new bed and I wished only good dreams for her and a lifetime of wonderful moments for all of us.

I pray all our wishes come true. Yours too.

My Heart-2-Heart for you tonight: If you have your own floodgates to let loose, embrace it. It's probably going to be worth it.

You mean no more crib?

So it feels a little weird tonight. Kendall is sleeping in her crib... for the last time! That's right, we bought a toddler bed and are putting it together tomorrow. I'm a little sad, knowing that 2 years ago, we were new parents, learning the whole bedtime routine for the first time.

I remember so clearly rocking for what seemed to be hours ... And singing all her favorite songs that she still loves now. "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", "Jesus Loves Me", "Amazing Grace" ... And now she sings those songs to me. I remember the books we read that were so graciously given by friends and family. "Goodnight Moon", "Twas the Night Before Christmas (yes, year round!), "10 Little Ladybugs", "Ladybug Girl" ... These are all books she still enjoys and we've added even more! Whole milk now replaces breastmilk and formula. Cups now replace bottles. Nightgowns are the new "onesies".

But I know each night, when I rock her to sleep ... she hasn't changed to me. She still cuddles and nestles close to my heart, still flutters her precious eyelids as she falls asleep and still holds my fingers as I lay her in the bed.

Me and Kendall, July 2008

I don't want to forget any of these moments and I certainly don't want to change our bedtime routine (all the moms out there TOTALLY understand). But what happens when she walks over to her bed and gets in by herself? Will I cry? Will I smile and breathe a sigh of relief? Or will I run to pick her up so I can do those precious honors?

One thing I know that I will do ... As I close the door (and put up the gate for fear she will walk out on her own as well!), I will quietly thank God for each night He gives us together. With the crib ... and without.

Freedom Found

It's a few days past the official Independence Day, but I'm quite certain I've found my meaning of freedom. It comes in several shapes and sizes. Each meaning has its own history, but let me share with you my thoughts.

On the surface, freedom is being able to say I love you to that special someone(s) anytime you want, as I referred to in my last post. At any given moment, I am fortunate enough to have someone I can whisper "I love you" too and know that he - or she - can whisper something that at the very least, mildly resembles a loving response. That my friends, is not just freedom, but the truest love I know on this earth.

As a worldly view, freedom is fighting for the blessings we see in America each day. I have a very special friend who's husband is about to go somewhere overseas to protect the very freedoms that we - as humans - sometimes take for granted. For my friend, freedom is a sacrifice. It's saying goodbye to her truest love, but standing strong for all that he believes. That is not just freedom. That is not just love. That is strength. And if you're reading this my friend, I admire you and will be here for you whenever you need me.

But what I've ultimately learned these past few days, is that freedom goes beyond our wildest dreams. Okay, yes ... I may have had a tough morning with Kendall as she went to her cardiologist. She screamed, kicked and cried when the stethoscope came her way. But the end result ... "We'll see you in a year!" is what the doctor told us. What that means is her heart is strong, she is healthy, and he sees no need for further intervention for at least 12 more months. I have a sense of freedom in knowing that she is quite healthy. I pray for the children who don't get to hear those words and my own heart goes out to the parents, grandparents and friends who feel let down at times. Know that there is hope. Look closely, and you will find a glimmer.

So here's my heart-2-heart for today... Look around you. Take stock. When I come home from work, I may feel tired and exhausted, but I know the best part of my day is just about to start. And though the "mommy, mommy hold me" statement can make me crazy at times, I'd trade it for nothing. You know why? I can tell her I love her and my hug gets even tighter. That's what I fight for. That's the freedom that touches me to my core.

It's a mom thing...Right?

It's here. My first "official" blog. Why blog? And why call my blog Heart-2-Heart? Well, I'm going to take you on a small journey of me and the life I live and have lived. No, it's not all going to be in 1 blog entry. I'm hoping you'll stick around for a grand journey. And you know what... we may all learn something somewhere along the way.

So... Welcome back, I should say. I'm Kimberly. I'm not a beginner with the whole "WEB" thing. I've been doing websites and working with social media for a while now. It makes a lot of sense for me, mostly because of my love to write.

The first thing I want to do is talk about my kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah... That's what all parents want to do. My kid does this, my kid says that, my kid knows your kid...

But really... it's my Heart-2-Heart with you.

You see, my kid is 2. She, like all humans, definitely has a heart. But hers is a little different. Hers is special. When she was 2 months old, we found out she had a very rare and serious congenital heart defects. 3 of them actually. She underwent open-heart surgery and by the grace of God and a skilled team of doctors, nurses and overall miracle workers, she survived and continues to thrive in the world around her. She is considered a miracle. She is loved by many. And though it was a tough time during her diagnosis and surgery ... she is a child that has changed many a life around her.

Meet Kendall Elyse. She just turned 2 a few weeks ago (evident from her picture - partaking of her splendid Elmo birthday cake) and is the most spectacular "kid" I know. She is every bit a 2-year old (one minute she's telling you she loves you the next minute she is lying on the floor screaming because her shoe fell off!). I have found myself counting to 10 for my own sanity more often than not. But nevertheless, her good moments completely outweigh the tough ones.

Because I'm not in a true reflection mood right now, let me ask a question for myself and whoever else wants to chime in. I want to think about the response and discuss more later.

As we approach Independence Day ... we all celebrate freedom. Freedom of religion, freedom of speech... a lot of real liberties. But as a mom, what type of freedom do I most value? Is it the freedom to tell someone I love them anytime I want? Is it the fact that I can read the Twilight series over and over again without someone telling me no? Or do I value the freedom I get after Kendall's bedtime - time I can "free" my mind?

I'm not sure yet. I'm going to think about it. And after I think about it, I'll have another Heart-2-Heart.

I hope you'll join me as we explore together.