You Spoke. I Listened.

Something happened today that was quite remarkable. I will leave the specifics out because they aren't as important as what followed.

For believers, listening to God is something we strive for every day. But doing what He tells us is a tougher walk. We all struggle. I feel like I struggle a lot these days. But I have been listening. And today, it made sense. 

A few weeks ago, I was given a spiritual choice. At the time, it was easy to make. I had reasons for making that decision. And when You spoke, I listened. My reasons for listening were different then, but now, it makes sense. For when You spoke, I truly heard You and followed Your direction. Tonight, I feel Your presence. You led me somewhere and though I thought I knew what that direction would look like, it wasn't. It was more meaningful than I ever thought possible.  Your direction has changed me. I pray it will continue to work in me like a stream moving to the sea. I pray that You will continue to use my branches to become the vine that You have created. 

Thank you God for blessing me with Your presence today.

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. - JOHN 15

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  - PHILLIPIANS 4

My special heart

February 7 - 14 ... For most people, we are getting ready for that special person who makes our heart beat a little stronger or we're wishing for one that does ... All the hustle and bustle that consumed us during the Holidays is happening again, but for the Valentines in our lives.

But February 7 - 14 means a little different "something" to me and thousands of other families. It's a week where we remember just how special that "heart" really is and just how fragile and breakable it can become. It's National Congenital Heart Defect awareness. And it's something I remember daily. For the next few days, I want to bring you our special story.

I wrote the following for a magazine essay contest. I want to share it with you.  Though I didn't win that award, I have the greatest gift on this earth - my sweet Kendall. Thank you GOD for what you've done in my life and what You continue to do in those around us. And for all of you, my heart2heart tonight is to take a few minutes to read this and go to http://www.palmettohearts.org. And squeeze your loved ones a little extra, knowing just how special their heart is to you.

Becoming, 9/3/2009

Honeymoon in Jamaica, August 2004

Miracles happen every day. Hearts are broken every hour. Knees fall to the floor every minute. A baby cries every second. And in the blink of an eye, my life changed in unbelievable ways.

I’m 31-years old, married to the love of my life and am a mom to a beautiful one-year old daughter. I feel like I have the world at my fingertips with an amazing journey ahead. But getting here was no easy task. Not only did I know the instant I had grown up, but I knew my life and the life of our family would forever change. I’ll always be a child of God. But on this earth, I will continue to grow into the woman He wants me to be.

I always thought life would be easy. Go to school, get into college, get a job, find “Mr. Right”, marry and have children. And nearly all of those were “easy”, as I had faith that God would lead me in the right direction. Up to the having children part, I had everything going “my” way.

Kendall, 6/15/08

After some obstacles of getting pregnant, my husband and I were blessed with a beautiful daughter, Kendall Elyse, on June 15, 2008.  She was a tiny beauty at only 5 pounds 13 ounces and the weeks following her birth were magical. Yes, it was definitely tough, with sleepless nights and endless feedings. But we got through it. Yet at 6 weeks and barely 6 pounds, we knew something wasn’t right.


I remember the day like it was yesterday. August 4th 2008 – I was planning to return to my job in a few days but I decided to bring Kendall to the doctor, as she wasn’t eating very well. Oddly enough, I felt it was necessary to bring my husband with us. After her weight was checked with no growth, our pediatrician walked in. “Your daughter has what we consider ‘failure to thrive’. We’re admitting her to the hospital for testing and observation.”

My face became devoid of all color. I looked toward my husband. I had never seen him so scared and frankly, I was terrified myself.  Then, after hours of testing and waiting, the news came. It was devastating. “Your daughter has a rare heart defect. She is very sick. She needs immediate invasive open-heart surgery.”

Kendall, MUSC, August 2008

She had 3 different defects:
    •    Open PDA: A small valve called a Patent Ductus Artery (PDA)  that is supposed to close soon after birth remained open. This valve is very small and with hers being open, a lot of blood that was supposed to get to her body was only going through a very narrow opening, creating high pressure build up in her lungs.
    •    AP Window: This was a condition in which there was an opening in the aorta and pulmonary valve leading to her heart. It created a window between the two leading to blood getting mixed. Non-oxygenated blood was getting into her body which could be life threatening.
    •    Interrupted Aortic Arch: The part of her aorta, which was supposed to send blood to the lower parts of her body and lungs, was missing. The only thing keeping her alive and blood flowing was her PDA that was kept open.  If the PDA were to close, her body would begin shutting down.

My world simply fell apart. Life was not supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be strolling in the park, scheduling play dates, cuddling with a happy and healthy little girl. Definitely not taking my daughter to a children’s hospital for open-heart surgery. It was this moment, this defining moment; I was no longer a child. I could either accept what God had planned for me or crumble around it.

The next hours were a whirlwind of emotion. Rage, fear, uncertainty, doubt and stress ran through me. I kept trying to turn to God and I prayed for faith to overcome my doubts and fears. But it never seemed to come.
We were at the Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC) Children’s Hospital for 15 days. On day 5, faith crept in. Just four days before her surgery, we had a special dedication for her. I started to recognize the blessings that I had around me. As broken of a heart that Kendall had and as my heart was breaking for her, I saw these pieces form a path. I was tired of looking at what I did not have. I was ready to face the road God had planned.

On August 13, 2009, the day of her surgery, I had the faith I needed. With the love, support and prayers from my husband, parents, family and friends, I went into that day armed with everything that God had graciously given. Though I was child of God, I was a grown woman, wife and mother … in this earthly world. 

During the six hours of surgery, I was filled with a peace I cannot describe. It’s a peace that to this day, I still long for. When I am at my lowest, I go back to that place in my life, and I am reminded of awestruck wonder and the serenity that only God provides. I was in constant prayer and listening to music that still resonate within me.

Kendall, MUSC, post-surgery, August 2008

With the grace of God and His healing hands, Kendall made it out of surgery successfully. She went into the next days and weeks with a fight that amazed doctors. I don’t want to forget however, that it was tough still. There was that unshakable fear that something wrong would happen at any second. Yet, I knew God would not let us down. And He didn’t.

Today, Kendall is a very active and vivacious one-year old. Her fight is one of the many qualities that we love. Anyone who meets her instantly knows that she is special.

So this isn’t just about when I knew I’d “grown up”. It’s about how we all must grow to meet the challenges in our life. I could have crumbled and gotten through this without faith. But I don’t want to know where that path would have led.

Each day, we get stronger. Each hour, we pray harder. Each minute, we grow more confident. Each second, we are blessed with miracles. And in the blink of an eye, we simply, become.