Take me back

So for a lot of people reading this blog, you know a little about the road that's brought me to who I am as a mother and can understand why I look at my Kendall and hug her tight... knowing what could have been.

But for those who may not know me as well and even for those who do, I'm going to say something that may shock and surprise you.

When we first found out in August 2008 that our 2-month old daughter had a rare heart defect that without invasive open heart surgery, would take her life, I lost reason, hope and understanding of everything. But with the miraculous hands of a team of doctors, surgeons, nurses and hospital staff, her heart was spared. So were ours.

The hours before her surgery were agonizing as we waited for the unknown. The minutes of holding her in the pre-surgery room were moments that I can honestly tell you I was at my weakest. But the minutes, hours and days that followed were ... well ... beyond any imagination.

You see, at that moment - that second where I let go of my child not knowing if I'd see her alive again - that's absolutely the moment that God took my hand and put me in His. For the next 5 hours, I was His. I knew nothing but His Love, Grace, Mercy, and Hope. The messages on the beeper kept coming in from the surgical team and it was like it was God telling me that He had it all under control.

I remember listening to my favorite hymns on my iPod and reading out of my mother-in-law's Bible, scriptures in Psalms, Romans, Isaiah ... reading of strength and how prayer was the lifeline to God. I remember reading messages from friends, family and even people I didn't know telling me at that moment that they were praying for my daughter. I saw friendly faces, beautiful flowers and testimonials from people who had survived these surgeries.

Seeing her after surgery and the hours and days that followed didn't get easier, but it was okay. I had God's love flowing through me and all the support and strength that friends, family and Believers around the country were sending.

My Heart2Heart is this: Take me Back.

No, I don't necessarily want to go back to those exact times, but there lives in me - and I think all of us - a place that you feel completely at peace and connected to your soul. In my life, I yearn to feel that warmth that only God can provide and there are many times I forget. But when I do, I go back. I remember the beauty that was all around me. I know that any struggle that I deal with now is all in His Plan. In that, I have peace.

I know there are many of you who have those moments. Whether they were hard, difficult, happy, sad ... they are YOUR moments. Treasure them and go back when you need the strength to get through this life.